Tennessee or Bust!!!

I used to think that vacation meant that you were going to some far away place, or to some place luxurious and out of the ordinary. Well tomorrow we leave to go on vacation and it doesn't involve a single one of those places above. We are simply going down to TN to visit family and friends for a few days. And quite frankly, I can't wait. Brandie and I both are looking forward to just getting away for a while and relaxing. We don't have a lot planned and I think that is making it even more exciting.
One thing we do have planned though is to revisit our old church. Neither of us has been there in a year now and except for the past few months we really haven't kept in touch very well with many of them. Not that we are ignoring them or don't want to be friends anymore. It just seemed easier to temporarily cut ties. By the time we return this coming Wednesday it will have been a full year since we have seem most all of these people. Our hearts beat with excitement, but I'll be honest. There is a small spot inside of me that is wondering how this is going to go. I am not sure where this little hang up is coming from, but I don't like it. I don't know if I am worried I'm gonna miss CrossRoads a lot? Or if I'm scared the kids won't really care that we are there? Or if we show up only to see that nothing has changed? Or (selfishly) if I see that a lot has changed for the better? I suppose that is the biggest and most truthful statement. What if I show up only to see that now that I have left these kids are growing and excelling in God's love and goodness? I know this is probably the most self-centered egotistical thing I could write. And it is this type of thinking that has marked youth pastors as working to build there own self-esteem instead of God's kingdom. But I am being completely honest. I truly believe that this is the little dark spot inside of me. And it's not that I want to see that they haven't grown since I've left cause that would be wonderful to see. It's just scary to think that if I wasn't a part of their growth, what makes me think I will be a part of the growth where I am at now? These are the wrestlings of my heart. But I'm still stoked about this trip. Stay tuned. Hopefully I'll be able to post while I'm chilling.